I was having another one of those days where I was rambling after a hectic day running back and forth with the kids, house being a complete mess and the only culinary delight I was capable of serving was a boiled egg. My friend said to me, “You make this whole parenting thing sound crazy, it’d be enough to put you off! Is there anything good about it?” I thought about that for a minute and I wasn’t too sure how to answer. All I could say was, “Ah, don’t mind me; It’s not as scary as I make it out. It has its good sides.”
So what does being a mother mean to me? The first time I saw my first born to describe the feeling was just overwhelming. I took one look at him in the hospital and almost frightened myself of the change of emotions. I knew there and then there was nothing at all in the world I wouldn’t do. At that moment I had no fear of my own mortality as I knew I wouldn’t hesitate to do anything for them. I knew things in me had changed forever.
I’ve learned what unconditional love actually means. While relationships will come and go people have their arguments, couples change as they get older or friends drift apart, a child is always your child. There are days they can play havoc with your head and I can be a complete emotional wreck with them but it doesn’t change the way I feel about them and it never will. I’m always going to be their mother and they are a part of me and always will be forever.
Being proud as there is nothing like that moment when you see your child in their first school play or when they walk or talk for the first time or when they are coming out of the school gates waving their artwork or the spelling test they passed etc. I’m just proud that I was there to watch them achieve things.
Knowing the value of what time is. Before I had children I wouldn’t think twice about sitting around all weekend just watching movie after movie after being out partying all night beforehand for example. I justified it as I worked all week so I deserved it right? Looking back now, I realised the amount of hours I wasted sometimes. My kids are growing up fast in front of me and life goes fast and we only have one chance at it so don’t sit around just waiting for things to happen.
More self-awareness and learning about myself every day as a person and accepting there is no such thing as perfection. We all make mistakes. We all get it wrong at times but rather than over judging all the time I try now to learn from it to make it better and move on. This doesn’t mean I won’t make new mistakes after it though.
Learning never to be smug as there are days my kids would really do me proud and they can be street angels and I’m glad to show them off. They would be that child that would hold the door open for someone and be polite. Other days they could be those kids in the supermarket that are screaming and pulling each other’s hair out because I forgot whose turn it was to use the trolley token!
It’s nice to sit back and see the world through their eyes at times. Sometimes the world is too rushed with people flying around going nowhere and not stopping to just take a moment and breathe and look at the simple little things in life that can bring happiness. It’s amazing looking at the joy on their faces when they are just sitting there playing house with a cardboard box or watching the happy content look on their face when they are eating an ice-cream or listening to them whispering and giggling to each other knowing they are going to play a prank on me or just simply going out and sitting on that swing with them.
I am proud to being the first role model in their life that can teach them importance of being an empathetic human being. I can be there to help guide them through life to hopefully make the right choices and be the person they want to be. I can teach them independence and the difference of right from wrong.
Being less selfless and not thinking twice about putting your own your wants and needs aside because my children always come first no matter what.
Having the annoying theme tune of Sponge Bob for e.g. going through my head for at least two days and being ok with it.
Having a better understanding and appreciation of my own mother more and understanding everything she was trying to tell me was for my own benefit.
Learning when to switch different roles and knowing the moments I need to discipline them for their behaviour or know when to say ‘enough is enough’. I can’t always be that ‘cool parent’ and be their friend all the time. I have a responsible role to play as an adult too.
Constantly being mentally exhausted and forgetting the kids names at times but yet at same time, getting on with it.
Multitasking and having two completely different conversations with my kids at once while in the middle of cooking dinner and planning out the next day’s events and still trying to remember if I can recite the alphabet.
Being sad and happy of the day I’ll watch them leaving the nest. It’s an emotional roller-coaster and I just hope I can sit back and know I’ve done the best I could for them to live full independent and happy lives and being grateful that I was one of the lucky ones of having the opportunity to be part of it.
Children’s Books by Denise McCabe are available by clicking here or pop across to My Books section to have a further look
Contact Denise at: Denisekidsstories@gmail.com